Breakfast

I had a breakfast with him. I felt different. A lot of things changed. I saw our differences this time. There was even a scenario that made me turn off of him. It was an unlikely attitude. Rude. Destroying.

Today, I realized that I don't like him anymore. It's done. I'm over.

My Gift of Goodbye

I USED TO keep on holding on and clinging on to things, thinking they're mine. However, I also knew how to let go... but I rarely use this gift... for I USED TO believe that when I let things and people go out in my life... I can never ever have them back.

Ikaw- unti-unti ka nang lumalabas sa pinto ng buhay ko. Akala mo hindi ko napansin? Nagkakamali ka! I see you in the corner of my eye na patagong umaalis, gusto mo na pala ako iwanan, pero hindi mo magawang magpaalam... kaya ayan ka.... nag-eeskapo--- pero nakikita kita. At masakit makita na, pasimple kang umaalis sa buhay ko. Sana pala hindi nalang kita nilingon habang lihim kang tumatakas. Masakit. Kung alam mo lang. Sana nagpaalam ka nalang ng maayos sa'kin. Sa ganong paraan hindi ako labis na masasaktan. Madali kasi akong kausap... sobrang dali... kung sinabi mo lang sa'kin ng maayos... walang samaan ng loob. At welcome pa kitang palalayain kung pagkakabihag mong maituturing ang pagtigil mo sa buhay ko..... maging masaya ka lang.

Perhaps your part in my story is over... and I really can't make you stay... HOnestly, I wanted to extend our story but there are things in life which are better off when they remain what they ought to be.

Closed curtains na tayo- ika nga. Nakakapanghinayang kasi hindi nagsimula ngunit nagwakas ang pag-ibig na akala ko'y may pag-asa. Nakakatawa isipin, na there was a time, I even begged you to stay... dapat pala hindi ko nalng ginawa yon... and just let things happen.
Sa totoo lang, dinagdagan mo ang trauma ko na pumasok sa relationship... pero ipinapangako ko sa sarili ko na patuloy akong magmamahal.

Our story had a wonderful beginning and a sorrowful ending. Pero salamat dahil at least maaga pa lang... nakilala na kita at nagpakilala ka. You're a lesson for me.
I'm using my gift of goodbye.... I let you go, *******. No strings attached! I know you are not my end.

Just want you to know that I had also an awesome journey with you. Yet, we've reached the point. I'm now taking the other road towards my real destination.
God bless and Goodbye!

*yUmi

Kung ayaw mo, e di 'wag

Nakakainis ka! Bakit ba? Ano bang ginawa ko? Masama bang mahalin ka? Kung ayaw mo e di wag... hindi ko ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko! It's not my loss and will never be my loss! Ikaw ang nawalan hindi ako.

Ang manhid mo! Sobra! Bakit ka ganyan? Alam ko sinasadya mo. I don't deserve this treatment! Alam mo, sana hindi nalang kita nakilala... at alam mo rin ba... na ito ang kauuna-unahang beses sa buhay ko, na may ni-regret akong ginawa o nakilalang tao. Oo. masaya ka na, nasaktan mo ako. Alam mo ang problema sa'yo... you play your cards too safe... I know why... ayaw mo rejection- yun ang reason di ba? Tama ako? Pero bakit? Hindi naman kita nirereject ha. Or you're really that mean to make me fall in love with you... and to hurt me in the end?

Ayoko nang isipin ka. Gusto na kitang limutin... Siguro, this is the time to say goodbye. HIndi ko man masabi sa'yo in person, through fone, through text or even e-mail. Magpapa-alam na ako. HIndi ko nga alam kung mababasa mo 'to eh... or would you even care to visit this site. basta, ayoko na s'yo. Ayoko sa mga taong katulad mo. You're a big liar! Sabi mo, you will stay... but you did not... Ayoko ng makita ka. Pinaiyak mo ako, pero hindi mo alam yon... at kahit kailan, hindi mo malalaman yon- dahil wala kang paki-alam. Ikaw na ang pinakamanhid na taong nakilala ko sa buong buhay ko.

Now, this is truly goodbye!=(

Meeting Cham

I asked Cham to meet me in SM North Edsa. My very purpose of this meeting is to ask her to give him my birthday gift. I knew it's his birthday tomorrow.

We ate. We told stories to each other. She mentioned, that she's about to resign two months from now. I was shocked, oh, not that much, coz a part of me was expec ting like that. I just didn't expect that soon.

I told her, that I was right that things will never be the same.

Getting bored

One.. Two... Three weeks passed. No LET result yet. I'm getting paranoid what the result was. What if I don't pass? What will happen? Will it be the end of the world? NO! It can't be! my mom and dad and I prayed that every saturdays... that God's favor be upon me. Then, it'll result to nothing? No. No. No.

I'm getting bored here at home, waiting for the email message of OD people. I almost have sent all the forwarded mesaages that I receive each day and I think they're getting annoyed of that.
He... does not send any email at all. I always wait here infront of my pc for nothing. I've done my website in myspace and then, nothing. Woh!

The mail

Today, I got the email that Ahia Myke told me that he'll send me after the examination. This is the content:

Subject: Confidential
Message:
Hello, this message is strictly just for your eyes only. I want to be straight w/ you, I dont want to beat around the bush. "Im falling in love with you." The first time I saw you I liked you then after the get together, I admired you. Then, I said to myself, "She is my kind of girl." I am attracted to you coz you are full of life, determination, guts and brain. I am sorry you're shocked about this message, I just cant help it. Actually matagal ko ng gustong i-mail sa yo ito kaso lang nagre-review ka and i dont want to disturb you baka ako pa ang maging dahilan pag bumaba ung score mo kya hinintay ko matapos yung exam mo. I got the courage to say this things to you dahil sa mail na na-forward mo sa kin remember "read alone someone might love you" yung last part kaya ko nasabi sa yo to. But dont worry di pa naman kita liligawan kasi may kailangan pa akong i-build ulit at alam ko rin mag ma-masteral ka pa & i dont want to become an obstacle. I wish all good things for you, I pray so hard that all your dreams do come true. I hope hwag maging dahilan itong nobelang ito para iwasan mo ko o.k right now mag-kaibigan muna tayo and I'll keep it that way para di ka mailang sa kin pero after 2yrs at wala ka pang bf I'll court you (yun naman ay kung papayag ka pero kung hindi that's fine still friend pa rin tayo at di kita PIPILITIN) so see you na lang my friend God bless you.

I smiled after reading the letter. He likes me. Yeah, he does. Flattering in a way, but I really didn't expect. It took me awhile to create my reply. Here it goes:

hi. I hope you're in good condition as you read my response. I was actually expecting a problem of yours to resolve on... yet there seems to be no problem at all. What you've emailed me was a mere reflection of your strength and courage to like and to love. And I admire you for that! Thank you for being honest and courteous and friendly. Thank you as well for waiting to tell me these things in the right time... I'm impressed. Don't worry, nothing will change. I pray that our friendhip will grow more in the sight of God. Let's not bother of the future things, God knows what to do and what will come ahead of us... Things will be revealed in His perfect time.
For now, let's be friends... no worries, i won't change!
By the way, have you prayed about your feelings to God? Hehehe;-)
See you soon,
yUmi

It's nice to know that he likes me. However, I don't seem to like him. I could not imagine myself and him--- together. Besides, as I've mentioned before he's my best's cousin and we are in the same church. I don't know how possible it would be.

LET

I took the test today. I was nervous at first but I tried to calm down myself. There were some easy questions and hard questions. There were questions taken form the review classes. In General it was hard. Oh my, I don't know if I can make it.

"But my faith is in you, Lord."

I even saw Mary, Sabrina, Via and other psych majors of our University. I was unable to see new friends who I have just met in the review classes. I really do hope that we'll all pass the examination.

The result is indefinite. They did not said when it will be released. Gosh, my heart's pumping. I want to pass!!!

When I arrived home, my head was freaking aching. I was hungry and at the same time tired, so tired. My parents gave me hug and smiles cheering that we should celebrate for I've pass! Such a faith!

I have that faith!

Phonecall

I was able to get a hold on line with Ahia Myke, he is my bestfriend's cousin. He mentioned that he'll email me something when my exam is over.

What could it be? Something about his problem of his x-girlfriend? I remember he asked something on what to do and what to say to a girl in a certain situation. I gave him neutral answers. That would be it. I'm sure, its about that and I will be more than willing to help.

But why should wait for nextweek? Fishy!

Final Review Day

After 9 weeks of review classes, I will take the examination next week. Oh God! Help me, Lord. The butterflies are in my stomach again.

Shot when over

A friend of my friend's friend gathered courage perhaps to ip'ed me. Well, we had a good chat. Such a conversationalist. He's an architect in MD.

We ip'ed each other for almost a month before I leave the company. He began to like me. I also began to like him. We went out dating for awhile. I enjoyed his company. I learned how to ride a bus because of him.

For a while my heart is being calmed by his messages. But I don't want to get so close to him. I might find it hard to leave. He knew I was about to resign the day he ip'ed me. Unluckily, things like that really happens.

Well, I must admit that my heart was shot by an arrow... but why when I needed to leave? I don't think I can afford to lose another person. Woh! but that statement was big. Not yet deserving. Erase. Erase. Erase.

Once again, the end is getting near.