When it rain, it pours

It's really true that when God bless you, He blesses you through and through.

God is so good to me. He showers me with overflowing blessings that I almost cannot contain. I wanna shout and inform the world how great HE is!

Sometimes, I think that I am not worthy of all these things and I even want to ask God why he's blessing me too much but I won't dare do so I will never question God.

I know and I believe in my heart that He has so many plans for me and a lot more is yet to come.

"Lord, I know your ways are higher than mine. I'll follow your leading and trust your desire!"

Conversations

I had several wonderful conversations this day. I had conversations with several significant people in my life. People who are distant to me. People whom I consider special. It's really nice to know that even though time and distance separates us apart they are all still there. I miss them so much!

I was able to have a converse with someone I treat special I just don't know if he feels the same way I'm not expecting but I'm hoping somehow. He made my day! I also had a great time with my churchmates it was like a heavenly moment with them. And of course, my former officemates whom I consider my next family gave their regards. I miss them a lot! I miss spending time and making memories with them. And of course, I had a wonderful conversation with my close friend in college.Jeslie, my dear sister, Oh my! I felt so glad to catch you online. My heart wanted to leap out of joy the short moment that we'e been together. I miss our friendship. Though I know, that it would always be there, I miss your company. I miss the days that we're together. The days we crammed, the days we eat fries and floats in Mc Donalds. The days we talked about our heartaches and heartbreaks. The days that we would laugh and cry together. The days we shared our dreams. The days we achieve some of the dreams. Even the day we had a cold fight. I miss our college days. I miss the days of our lives. I have never told you but I'm so glad that you became a part of my favorite journey. I know someday, we will be able to have the worthy and deserving man of our lives, the one who will love us unconditionally. Let's just be patient enough, I know we will! God moves in mysterious ways! After all the years we've been together, ngayon lang yata ako mag-thank you say, salamat talaga ha. I may sound so dramatic and sentimental right now but I don't care this is what I feel. Thank you, sis!

And to those who are reading this blog- thanks for the time. I'm glad to share a part of my life with you guys!

"We're never getting younger but we are getting wiser!"

First Failure

Today, I learned that I failed the GCAT. I can no longer take my Master's in our School. It gloomed the moment I learned that I failed. It's my first failure. I didn't know how to console my heart.

Until I visited my EWS Family, I brought a cake for them and told nothing about the result. For the first time I kept it on my own. I did not stayed long because they're almost done with their luch. It's just nice to see them again.

I had a scheduled date today, I met Ahia Myke in SM. It's our first date after long and undending converstaions at night, we've finally decided to take the next step... dating. I told him that I failed. But it was not that hurtful at all. I still managed to smile, perhaps because he was there. Well, I don't care. It hurts when I do. I just think of it as a challenge. We watched "The Legend of Zorro". Of course, we enjoyed the movie.

I began to notice his beautiful little eyes, well, because he's chinese. He's a real gentleman. I like him... a LOT now!

Ordinary day. Again, left alone. Mind occupied. Waiting something inside. Want to hear the gentle and soothing voice of a man. Mind from nowhere.

Ring... Ring... it was the phone. I walked towards where it is and answered, "Hello? Oh? Hah? Talaga!" then I felt my mind smiled. I felt I wanted to shout. I felt happy. I get backed to the person on line and asked, "E, ikaw? Ha? Bakit?." Silence. "Hay! Sayang. Ok ka lang? Promise ha, ok ka lang?! OO naman no, tawag ka pa din minsan ha?Ok. Babye. Thank you!"

Cellphone beeping. 1 Message Received. Open. Papa. "Nak, pasado ka sa exam."

I smiled. Chose reply. "Opo, thank you po."

I passed the LET. Next thing on my mind- Newspaper! I will buy a newspaper and see with my own eyes, my name listed.

I jumped and said, "Thank you, Lord, thank you!"

"Truly, God answer our prayers in HIS perfect time. He may answer YES, NO or WAIT. This prayer item of mine... GOD answered YES. Thank you, Lord. I bring back to you all the praise and glory"

JIL Anniversary 2005

I'll see Myke in Luneta in the JIL Anniversary. I'll be going with my dad and mom but I hope to see him there.

Looking around. Being conscious he's there. To the left. To the right. Maybe infront. He might be at the back. I still can't see him. Till, I saw my churchmates. I saw my bestfriend. I smile at my best. Yet, the perosn I was looking was was not there. Is he really not there. Oh no, he's really not.

I looked around again. Until my world stopped when my best told me that he's going to meet his cousin Ahia Myke somewhere because he can't find us... because he can't find me? He went. My heart's pumping. Beating. Terrible. Do I look alright? Do I look great? He should see me at my best. Or else. Or else. Nah!

I'm listening to the sounds of the wind. Carefully listening to his footsteps. however, I hear a lot of people wlking around, laughing, speaking. Sounds around me. High volume of microphone. Cheers. Everything. Amidst of everything, I can feel he's getting near me... nearer and nearer... he seemed.

Until, I was sure about he's really there. But, I did not looked. I did not raised my head and try to find where I can feel him. I wanted him to look at me first. I know he was staring so. But, but, but, my moment was destructed when I heard a squeaky voice of a girl. I don't like it. I don't want her. I wanted him.

My best seated near me. I was not sure if Myke seated beside us. But I can feel him. It's magic when you begin to feel people near you even without seeing them near you, isn't it?

Onething, I wanted... I wanted him to notice me. So I stood up and ask my Best if we could buy something. I ended up going with Gerald, my best's brother. I knew he noticed me and I knew he wanted inside to join us. Nay, he didn't

We got back. I heard one moment that my mom and dad spoke with him. I smiled knowing that. It carressed my heart. It gave me peace. It gave me joy.

I wanted him to join us to go home. Yet, he did not joined us. He was with his sister and the girl I didn't like him to be with. I got irritated. I was sad.

Yet, happy still since I got hold of my bestfriend. We haven't talked for sometime, since he married, since I left ISB. We talked in the jeepney on our way home. Yet, I never told him what I feel for his cousin. Not this time. No, not yet.

The day ended. I wanted to rest. To sleep. To dream.

GCAT

It's Saturday. I went in the University today. I even saw Christy Geografo, she's a friend and co-psych major of mine. We're both taking our chances for the GCAT.

We took the test. I found it difficult. Very difficult. My head totally ached after taking the test. I felt I was going to fail that very moment after I left the room.

Gosh! Lord, I leave it all to you.

Phone Chat

Few days ago, I started chatting in the phone with Myke. I really hate to chat in the phone because it freezes my ears and it becomes painful wen the conversation lasts even just for 30 minutes. Yet with Myke, I never bothered how long we were chatting. I just wanted to tell my stories and the fact that he's listening is a great thing. I felt someone special. He listens to me. And I the same.

I remember how our night conversations started, it's simple as oneday, I wanted to speak to someone so I texted him and asked if he was busy. The next moment, the phone was ringing. Next days followed, I aksed him to call every after the "Encantadia" a television fantaserye ends. I wanted to watch it each day and wait till it ends and in an instant, the phone will definitely ring.

I don't know, but I feel so wonderful whenever I talk to him. It feels so light. I hope I can talk with him for the rest of my life.

Well, Well, Well... am I falling? No. Yes. Oooopppsss... I don't know yet. If God permits, why not?!

Nostalgia

-->>.insert pix<<---

My heart is grieving. It's as if somebody died. Or should I say that it's my heart dying. Blood are my tears dwelling from my eyes... longing to have him just like once before. But I guess, it'll never happen again. His and my love story has ended though I knew it never even started.
I just wanted to hear him say that he love me... but he never did. Perhaps, he does not really love me at all and never he will...

But I... I did love him and I can courageously spell that I L-O-V-E-D H-I-M,,, courageously shout silently only in a small corner of this world... so he won't hear me and that he'll never really learn...!

Why do I get hurt when all I intended is to love? Can somebody tell me...

I wanna get out from this nostalgic feeling and be freed away from you...

Please go... but for once, let me tell you this, "I love you, goodbye..."

Breakfast

I had a breakfast with him. I felt different. A lot of things changed. I saw our differences this time. There was even a scenario that made me turn off of him. It was an unlikely attitude. Rude. Destroying.

Today, I realized that I don't like him anymore. It's done. I'm over.

My Gift of Goodbye

I USED TO keep on holding on and clinging on to things, thinking they're mine. However, I also knew how to let go... but I rarely use this gift... for I USED TO believe that when I let things and people go out in my life... I can never ever have them back.

Ikaw- unti-unti ka nang lumalabas sa pinto ng buhay ko. Akala mo hindi ko napansin? Nagkakamali ka! I see you in the corner of my eye na patagong umaalis, gusto mo na pala ako iwanan, pero hindi mo magawang magpaalam... kaya ayan ka.... nag-eeskapo--- pero nakikita kita. At masakit makita na, pasimple kang umaalis sa buhay ko. Sana pala hindi nalang kita nilingon habang lihim kang tumatakas. Masakit. Kung alam mo lang. Sana nagpaalam ka nalang ng maayos sa'kin. Sa ganong paraan hindi ako labis na masasaktan. Madali kasi akong kausap... sobrang dali... kung sinabi mo lang sa'kin ng maayos... walang samaan ng loob. At welcome pa kitang palalayain kung pagkakabihag mong maituturing ang pagtigil mo sa buhay ko..... maging masaya ka lang.

Perhaps your part in my story is over... and I really can't make you stay... HOnestly, I wanted to extend our story but there are things in life which are better off when they remain what they ought to be.

Closed curtains na tayo- ika nga. Nakakapanghinayang kasi hindi nagsimula ngunit nagwakas ang pag-ibig na akala ko'y may pag-asa. Nakakatawa isipin, na there was a time, I even begged you to stay... dapat pala hindi ko nalng ginawa yon... and just let things happen.
Sa totoo lang, dinagdagan mo ang trauma ko na pumasok sa relationship... pero ipinapangako ko sa sarili ko na patuloy akong magmamahal.

Our story had a wonderful beginning and a sorrowful ending. Pero salamat dahil at least maaga pa lang... nakilala na kita at nagpakilala ka. You're a lesson for me.
I'm using my gift of goodbye.... I let you go, *******. No strings attached! I know you are not my end.

Just want you to know that I had also an awesome journey with you. Yet, we've reached the point. I'm now taking the other road towards my real destination.
God bless and Goodbye!

*yUmi