Nostalgia

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My heart is grieving. It's as if somebody died. Or should I say that it's my heart dying. Blood are my tears dwelling from my eyes... longing to have him just like once before. But I guess, it'll never happen again. His and my love story has ended though I knew it never even started.
I just wanted to hear him say that he love me... but he never did. Perhaps, he does not really love me at all and never he will...

But I... I did love him and I can courageously spell that I L-O-V-E-D H-I-M,,, courageously shout silently only in a small corner of this world... so he won't hear me and that he'll never really learn...!

Why do I get hurt when all I intended is to love? Can somebody tell me...

I wanna get out from this nostalgic feeling and be freed away from you...

Please go... but for once, let me tell you this, "I love you, goodbye..."

Breakfast

I had a breakfast with him. I felt different. A lot of things changed. I saw our differences this time. There was even a scenario that made me turn off of him. It was an unlikely attitude. Rude. Destroying.

Today, I realized that I don't like him anymore. It's done. I'm over.

My Gift of Goodbye

I USED TO keep on holding on and clinging on to things, thinking they're mine. However, I also knew how to let go... but I rarely use this gift... for I USED TO believe that when I let things and people go out in my life... I can never ever have them back.

Ikaw- unti-unti ka nang lumalabas sa pinto ng buhay ko. Akala mo hindi ko napansin? Nagkakamali ka! I see you in the corner of my eye na patagong umaalis, gusto mo na pala ako iwanan, pero hindi mo magawang magpaalam... kaya ayan ka.... nag-eeskapo--- pero nakikita kita. At masakit makita na, pasimple kang umaalis sa buhay ko. Sana pala hindi nalang kita nilingon habang lihim kang tumatakas. Masakit. Kung alam mo lang. Sana nagpaalam ka nalang ng maayos sa'kin. Sa ganong paraan hindi ako labis na masasaktan. Madali kasi akong kausap... sobrang dali... kung sinabi mo lang sa'kin ng maayos... walang samaan ng loob. At welcome pa kitang palalayain kung pagkakabihag mong maituturing ang pagtigil mo sa buhay ko..... maging masaya ka lang.

Perhaps your part in my story is over... and I really can't make you stay... HOnestly, I wanted to extend our story but there are things in life which are better off when they remain what they ought to be.

Closed curtains na tayo- ika nga. Nakakapanghinayang kasi hindi nagsimula ngunit nagwakas ang pag-ibig na akala ko'y may pag-asa. Nakakatawa isipin, na there was a time, I even begged you to stay... dapat pala hindi ko nalng ginawa yon... and just let things happen.
Sa totoo lang, dinagdagan mo ang trauma ko na pumasok sa relationship... pero ipinapangako ko sa sarili ko na patuloy akong magmamahal.

Our story had a wonderful beginning and a sorrowful ending. Pero salamat dahil at least maaga pa lang... nakilala na kita at nagpakilala ka. You're a lesson for me.
I'm using my gift of goodbye.... I let you go, *******. No strings attached! I know you are not my end.

Just want you to know that I had also an awesome journey with you. Yet, we've reached the point. I'm now taking the other road towards my real destination.
God bless and Goodbye!

*yUmi

Kung ayaw mo, e di 'wag

Nakakainis ka! Bakit ba? Ano bang ginawa ko? Masama bang mahalin ka? Kung ayaw mo e di wag... hindi ko ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko! It's not my loss and will never be my loss! Ikaw ang nawalan hindi ako.

Ang manhid mo! Sobra! Bakit ka ganyan? Alam ko sinasadya mo. I don't deserve this treatment! Alam mo, sana hindi nalang kita nakilala... at alam mo rin ba... na ito ang kauuna-unahang beses sa buhay ko, na may ni-regret akong ginawa o nakilalang tao. Oo. masaya ka na, nasaktan mo ako. Alam mo ang problema sa'yo... you play your cards too safe... I know why... ayaw mo rejection- yun ang reason di ba? Tama ako? Pero bakit? Hindi naman kita nirereject ha. Or you're really that mean to make me fall in love with you... and to hurt me in the end?

Ayoko nang isipin ka. Gusto na kitang limutin... Siguro, this is the time to say goodbye. HIndi ko man masabi sa'yo in person, through fone, through text or even e-mail. Magpapa-alam na ako. HIndi ko nga alam kung mababasa mo 'to eh... or would you even care to visit this site. basta, ayoko na s'yo. Ayoko sa mga taong katulad mo. You're a big liar! Sabi mo, you will stay... but you did not... Ayoko ng makita ka. Pinaiyak mo ako, pero hindi mo alam yon... at kahit kailan, hindi mo malalaman yon- dahil wala kang paki-alam. Ikaw na ang pinakamanhid na taong nakilala ko sa buong buhay ko.

Now, this is truly goodbye!=(

Meeting Cham

I asked Cham to meet me in SM North Edsa. My very purpose of this meeting is to ask her to give him my birthday gift. I knew it's his birthday tomorrow.

We ate. We told stories to each other. She mentioned, that she's about to resign two months from now. I was shocked, oh, not that much, coz a part of me was expec ting like that. I just didn't expect that soon.

I told her, that I was right that things will never be the same.

Getting bored

One.. Two... Three weeks passed. No LET result yet. I'm getting paranoid what the result was. What if I don't pass? What will happen? Will it be the end of the world? NO! It can't be! my mom and dad and I prayed that every saturdays... that God's favor be upon me. Then, it'll result to nothing? No. No. No.

I'm getting bored here at home, waiting for the email message of OD people. I almost have sent all the forwarded mesaages that I receive each day and I think they're getting annoyed of that.
He... does not send any email at all. I always wait here infront of my pc for nothing. I've done my website in myspace and then, nothing. Woh!