Indifferent

Movement. People around me move. They move due to things, events, personal choice, problems, desire. I mean, my officemates are trying to advance themselves in work. Two of them have just gotten the position for Q.A and R.A. Others went on interviews and exams... while I... I'm left alone, just here in my nook... without making any move. One of them asked, "Why don't you apply for this position or this... or that?". Then, my initial answer would be, "I'm not interested, why don't you go on and apply for that position, who knows, you might be the one they're looking for."

Playing those words again on my mind, I stopped and questioned the same thing that was asked to me. "yUmi, why don't you apply and try your chance?". Then, I will answer to myself... As of now, I am contented to whatever work I have, I can pay my bills, I can share something at home, I can buy what I want... for the meantime, everything is enough. Plus the fact that I am not pressured and have a lot of time to browse the net and create my website. Yeah, create this website. And in the inner core of my heart, something shouts and cry, "yUmi, you could not tell them your very reason why you refrain from moving because you're aiming something, far better from the promotion that shall come along with bigger paycheck and dreadful tasks."
I feel different to them, they're minds are set on one goal and only on one track, but I'm not focusing on the visible track that my eyes see. I'm looking beyond all these things that I have right now... and this makes me feel indifferent. If and only if I could start what I intend to do, perhaps, I'll be better, and I wouldn't mind these people buggling me.

I have almost three months to prepare cognitively and five months to brace myself financially. That's way too far. I wonder if I could ever jump off this race and just win from this long suffer. But, I should take time to wait and make the use of my remaining time.

yUmi, take a deep breath. Look into where you're really going. Everything's gonna be fine for the Lord hear you silently shout your prayers from your heart, enough for Him to hear your desires and fears.