What's wrong with me?

I feel that I'm losing my mind. I just can't think right at the moment and I feel that everything I do seems not right. I hate feeling this way. I abhor it. I have already shared my pent-up feelings with a friend of mine in the office yet I'm still not okay. I have not yet overcome the feeling. I feel that I need to find where my keys are. I feel that I need to put this into writing-- maybe, I pray that it would help.

Yesterday, right after taking a bath at around 4:30 pm, I received a phone call from Ms. Cherry (Hone's boss) and she interrogated me, "What's your message for Myke?" I had nowhere to find answers to her question. I might have freeze to death without answering her query. I was speechless. I knew that it wasn't only her listening to my voice, I knew that something's up... it's a phone patch. I was stuttering beyond words. That moment--- words run out of my lips and out of the parts of my brain. I didn't know what I was saying. I remember, I just said, "He already has everything and I just love him." When I hung up. I knew that I messed up. I kept thinking what went wrong with the words that I uttered. Then, two rides after, I realized that I wasn't able to say the two most simple words that I shouldv'e said which are: Happy and Birthday. Shoot.

Realizing my stupidity. Where did my head's neurons went? Okay, let me rationalize. First reason, Honestly, I felt like I was greeting Michael for almost 3 days. Considering that I work on a night shift, I have waited for his day to strike at 12am- that was the 1st, he even fetch me at around 5am. When I was about to go to work in the evening, we were about meet (which did not materialize) so I kept greeting him through text- that's the 2nd. When he picked me up the following morning on the 21st, that was the third day... and I felt like he was so devastated with the number of times I've greeted him before he left to work. You know, it just felt like I've said it a million times and to greet him over and over again, it's really too much. Second reason, everybody in that room who have heard my voice surely knew that it was his birthday, so it's granted- what I've said was for his birthday anyway. Third reason, I wasn't really prepared. I just came from the bathroom when I've answered the phone and I'm all wet with my towel on, dripping drops of water on floor and on the ear piece of the phone. They didn't know what I was up that time. So it sucks! Okay, enough with rationalizing... as Raph said, "it still boils down you missing two significant words--- Happy and Birthday." Alrightie then, enough! I'm only human. And I... have already felt bad. So is Destiny already happy with my situation?

I was out of bounce. I noticed that it has been for 3 consecutive days. Maybe it's because of the bad interview that I had with the Director of the school which I'll have my practicum soon. Followed by me texting my previous Grad School professor, addressing her the wrong name. But hey, I should get over those things. It's over. I won't cry over spilled milk. What I need to do is to keep the ball rolling. I should be back on the game.

Okay, once I've published this entry, I'm really over with my frustration in the interview, which was core of all these mishaps and out of bounces. Anyway, our professor would be formally endorsing us tomorrow. That would be the closure. That would be the end. And I will have a whole month vacation from work, away from computers and members and stuff in the office.

Oh God, help me!